When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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