WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
