rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
