I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
