just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
