he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize