I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
well you can't waste a boner
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
