His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need water and some morals
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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