Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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