Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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