there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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