I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
