summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
