dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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