smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
