If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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