Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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