Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
