sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
