For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
