And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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