i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize