In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
