That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
