He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize