Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
