Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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