My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
