I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
