i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
