You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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