so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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