4 words: hood of his car
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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