she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize