"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
