he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am naked and annoyed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
