Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
