I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
