Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
