just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
