I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
