dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As shirtless as possible
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
