we have pet lesbian snakes
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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