I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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