respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
