I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize