His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I supernannyed him into submission
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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