i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
