do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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