so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
