I cannot find my penis.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
