There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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