Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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