You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize