literally had 100 drinks last night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sext me about skeletons
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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