Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
