Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
