im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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