dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
