so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
