i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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