You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
