Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
