You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
