Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
