The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
