sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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