That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
