I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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