laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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