i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
