the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Two words: nipple clamps
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