When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
