Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
