the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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