You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
