You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
