I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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