Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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