how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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