You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
