I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
