are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize