My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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