i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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