Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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