i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
