and you said cock pushups were impossible
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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