The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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