That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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