My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
