wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
